HellBill » Hell Bill Area: » Pay Bill/ Pay Bills » Need people opinion...please

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: I am 23 years old and just had a baby 2 months ago and the past months have not been easy for me.My mother doesn't live in the US and my father lived in another state so basically i did not have much help after giving birth.Also while being pregnant i had to go to school full time and work full time to pay all the bills until 3 days before giving birth since my bf lost his job and had some trouble with the law. bf did his best and even though we are living with his mother,she doesn't talk to me and is not much of a help.

Anyway i have decided to visit my family(Aunt,cousins,friends) in France this coming Christmas with the baby for 2 weeks.I suggested that we should go together even though i really don't want him to come.This upcoming Christmas will obviously be the baby first Christmas so traveling with the baby means that he will not be able to spend Christmas with his son.I chose christmas because i will be off school and can also take 2 weeks off work under the FMLA law and still have my job back when i return.
After i gave birth,things were really rough and my mother asked me to visit her so she could help me for couple of months but my bf refused saying that the baby was too small which i understood.This time around i want to visit my family,i feel lonely since i have no family close.I would have gone to visit my father but he will also be traveling out of the country.I want to spend time surrounded by family and friends not sleep home while he is at work.I really do not want him to come even though i told him we should go together.I asked him because i didn't want him to say that i do not care about him and get angry.

Having the baby changed something in me,i feel like i lost something,i lost a part of me.I can't do anything without asking his permission not like i am not independent,i am but i hate when he get angry,my biggest fear is to be a single mom if he decide to break up.(He threaten to end the relationship before when i told him that i hated living with his mom and wanted us to take our apartment.He told me he would not move with me,he would rather take his own place and share custody of the baby.Basically the relationship would be over).He has control over me since having this baby.I don't really feel free not like he abuses me,far from it but i comply with whatever he says since i do not want to do something against his wish,something that will make him leave me.My mother told me to be patient and doesn't wish me to have babies with different men so no matter what i should be patient and stick to him.
I just want to know what you guys think and if i am wrong about wanting to travel and spend time with my family without him.His mother will be moving soon to another state so he will be alone but only for the 2 weeks we will be gone. I really miss my mother and just being surrounded by family.Am i selfish?
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